Who touched the thermostat?

It is cold today.› As a matter of fact, this afternoon it is colder than it was at dawn this morning. It was cold yesterday and it will be cold for several more days until we get a warm front. At that point it is going to reach a high of sixty degrees. Ahhhhh.›

I am currently wearing leggings under my jeans, a sweater and two pair of socks — and I’m inside the house. The heater is working but getting the heat down from the eight-foot high ceiling can make getting warm slow. Furthermore, the digital thermostat is giving hints that it has been taken over by an evil spirit.

Sometimes it’s hot and sometimes it’s cold. The thermostat seems to have a mind of its own.›This is no cheap thermostat. We installed it several years ago in order to step into the modern world — to keep up with Bill and Melinda Gates and to have our home controlled digitally. The problem is that like most computer-controlled devices, one must know how to answer the questions, know which button to push, or at least be able to find the instructions for the thermostat which were put in a location known only to that evil spirit mentioned earlier.›

The thermostat must have been installed by a “little person.” It’s low on the wall. Over the years, I have spent countless hours hunched over in front of the thermostat in the middle of the night with a flashlight trying to see what was wrong.›Did I remember to set the “day of the week?” If it’s Saturday and the program is not set to cover the weekend, everything shuts down until Monday morning.› Did I reset the clock the fall?›If not, the house will cool down to nighttime chilly before I’m ready to go to bed.›And, the worst of all, did I turn the unit back on after the seldom-seen “comfortable” day?

The thermostat has a button for choosing programs. I’ve never seen any choices but by pressing it twice, it kicks in. It also has a button to choose the time for each of four cycles to begin. These choices cause a little man on the screen to wake up, leave the house, come home and go to bed. Obviously, he knows which program is operating. I’m not sure what he does on the weekend. Maybe he just stays in the bed because the heater won’t turn on. There is also one button for registering the changing of the filter. The warning message for that filter-changing button has been on since late in 1999.›››

A few years ago, I realized my flashlight was raising the temperature in the area around the thermostat causing the heater to shut down, even though my feet were still freezing. Also, after much detective work, I realized the air near the ceiling was very warm but the layer of air on the level with the thermostat was still cold. So more hot air had to flow into the room (and money from my pocket) until the hot layer got down to the sensors.›Remember: high ceiling, low thermostat. The ceiling fan helped.

I’m glad I live alone. This week I’ve had company and explaining the workings of a self-willed thermostat is difficult to get over to a person who is shivering in the back bedroom when the little man on the thermostat is “leaving the house” at a time when he should be “coming home.” I need to invest in an old-fashioned thermostat, or a very smart home maintenance assistant.