Fast food, cheap wine, delicious gossip: Soiree is meeting again

A group of my dear friends are getting together next Sunday afternoon for what we call Soiree. It’s an event celebrated by many women to gain strength from one another in small groups. We haven’t gotten together in about five years, but it will feel like yesterday. You see, we have kept up with each other through community activities, church, and that mysterious connection that seems to tie good friends together.

We met the first time back in the 1980s. Our children were just old enough to stay at home alone for a couple of hours. We managed once a month at first, but for a time, we came together once a week in the summer. During the early days, we had a meal, but quickly realized that it put too much a strain on the hostess. Some snacks and some wine got things going, followed by a dessert and some coffee before we hit the road.

There were six of us. Since that first meeting, we’ve celebrated our children’s marriages (and divorces), we’ve mourned the death of parents and several husbands. We’ve given parties for graduations and showers for weddings and grandbabies.

As with most people, we made excuses for not getting together. We had to work. The field trips and band concerts filled our calendars. The ballgames and family vacations made getting together difficult. We missed a few gatherings, but we got together when we could.

During those years, we tried various solutions: twice monthly meetings were suggested, once a month was tried, getting together at a restaurant was a good stop-gap answer, but it wasn’t the same as being together away from the maddening crowds to check up on each other, tend our wounds, and celebrate our victories.

As we moved into our sixties, we looked forward to retirement from our jobs. We were just sure that it would be easier when we didn’t have to go to work, make lesson plans, travel for business, and help our husbands in their work. It was going to be the answer.

Few of us realized that we would not retire from our families, our church commitments, or all those volunteer jobs which come along with retirement. We didn’t know that as we aged, we’d spend more time going to the doctor, taking care of grandchildren, and traveling. How could it be that retirement could take up so much time?

Like I said, it’s been probably more than five years since we met regularly for Soiree. So, I decided that we’d try to get together next Sunday afternoon at my house. This will not be the same as the early days. There may be a little wine, but the snacks will be simple. I’m not going to make a cheese ball, cucumber sandwiches, or a fondue. I’m not going to make a hummingbird cake or a Boston cream pie. As a dear friend once said, I may “cause it to happen,” but it will be very little work on my part.

We’ll have a few unspoken rules. We will be limited in the number of pictures of the grandkids shown from our phones. Vacations, no matter how significant will be mentioned only in passing. If we really want to know details, we can make a personal visit later. We will be expected to give brief reports on our spouses, our children and grandchildren as to their whereabouts, job changes, and current marital status. We will report briefly on our own current health problems. That should take a while.

After all we only have about two hours to catch up, but the reason for getting together is not to complain, but to gather and look each other in the eyes, letting the others know that we care. That’s why we started meeting forty years ago.